I like to think of networking, connecting, or meeting new people as me finding my energy circles.
I’m curating a circle of people who either:
- Think like me,
- Have learnings and ideas that I can bounce off with, or
- Have done something I have, or am looking to do in the future
Being a connector is essentially gathering everyone you know who falls into one or many of those buckets as you, bringing them together and letting more like-minded folks meet each other.
We find our people, and then we build our tribe.
But this is often easier said than done.
As a self-proclaimed extroverted introvert, there are times where these interactions are second nature to me, and other times where I assume a different persona to be more effective. Sometimes I end up in extended seasons of introspection, or even question my boundaries between my personal and professional life.
It’s a balancing act. Let’s dig into all that.
Balancing my ambivert energies
Meeting people is the act of exchanging energies, be it giving or taking. And energies come in cycles; there will be high and low seasons, times where you give more and times where you take more.
I have highly extroverted seasons and the more introverted ones — and both phases need each other in order for me to function at my best.
The days in highly extroverted seasons are pretty packed with calls, coffees, or events. New ideas are constantly generated and I’m pinging teammates and friends to get this new exciting thing going. I’m riding on the social energy and learning so many new things just by talking to people!
At some point, the energy sizzles out and my introverted self emerges. I’m in a slower, more intentional phase where I already have kickstarted some of the above mentioned ideas, and want some heads-down time to work on them. I don’t see myself being the social butterfly here; I find myself slightly averse to larger groups or high-energy events, but still connecting with people with high intentionality. This is when I double down to build the relationships that started during the highly extroverted seasons.
Sometimes I’m talking to everyone at an event. Other times I’m at the corner with the same small circle throughout the night.
But I’m always on the lookout to connect with those who think like me, or share perspectives that makes me see something differently. I’m always on the lookout for my tribe.
Alternating between personas
There are 2 core personas I alternate between in social situations. Both are authentically me, just slightly emphasised to be the most effective in any situation.
Hear me out.
First: the social butterfly, high-energy Chloe.
This is natural when I am hosting — I’m hopping from circle to circle, ensuring that everyone feels comfortable, has enough food or drinks in their hands, and are getting what they looked for in showing up. Catching up with old friends? Great! Want to meet someone different? I know just the one you should chat with. Want to share your new idea with someone? Here — they’ll be ideal to bounce off ideas with!
It’s natural to be this version of me when I’m in a room of people I’m familiar with. I know who’s in the crowd, what people are here for, and how best to connect them to each other. I am here to facilitate a safe, comfortable space for them to meet each other, and I am assuming this persona to be as effective as possible.
Second: the wallflower-observer-learner Chloe.
This is usually when I’m someplace new. I’m either here to dig into a space I know nothing about, to dive into a completely different circle I otherwise wouldn’t be in touch with, or here as a friend’s +1.
I’m not exactly hopping about. I’m asking a lot of questions and probably holding conversation a lot longer than the social butterfly self — digging into others’ mental models, finding out more about a certain subject matter, or learning more about their journey. I can also be quieter within a circle; observing how others are interacting, what knowledge they’re exchanging, or internally chipping away my previous assumptions for a new revelation.
Whether I’m social butterfly, high-energy Chloe or wallflower-observer-learner Chloe, I’m still authentically me. I’m always curious and always curating my circles, and both personas help me do that effectively.
Cultivating clarity
After every good stimulating conversation, my mind is filled with new ideas, thoughts and beliefs. Before they accumulate into a mushy echo chamber, I pull myself back in and recalibrate myself. Which of these are actually feasible, good ideas? How is my current belief getting sharpened? What is the core truth that I’m holding on to and does this still stand true?
Sometimes this is a couple hours before bedtime that very day, other times it’s exploring different ideas over a few drinking sessions. And sometimes it’s a whole season of challenging a thought that slowly gets chipped away at to reveal a newer, more stable one.
Cultivating clarity sometimes comes at the expense of going on the low for a while. It’s a heads down concentration, deep thinking season, reconsiderations about some things and sometimes not discussing about the topic until I solidified my truth and am ready to have it challenged again.
This season is paramount in forming better, stronger thoughts to let me do what I do, better.
Intertwining my personal and professional lives
I used to have extremely thick boundaries between my personal and professional life. Personal matters shouldn’t interfere with my work, and work should not seep into my personal relationships with people.
But that has slowly changed overtime.
Your personal life influences your professional life and vice versa. The bad sleep you had last night because something was keeping you up affects your performance and alertness for this morning’s call; the vacation you’re taking next week is the reason you’re a little more on edge this week as you’re trying to meet your deadlines before you take off; you getting ready to welcome your firstborn in a couple weeks is partly why you’re more distracted lately and leaving the office right on time.
Your personal life influences your professional life, as they should.
When I realised that I can blur the lines between the two a little, I became more open in sharing about my life; I connected with others on a deeper level, conversations felt smoother and things weren’t merely transactional. I’m not just taking another meeting – I’m genuinely connecting with them.
The best part?
This also meant my work friends quickly became my personal-life friends. We hung out on weekends (that were otherwise fiercely protected for my friends and family), picked up new hobbies together, celebrated each others’ life milestones, travelled together… the list goes on.
I now have a stronger pillar of support all across the world and made a ton more core memories that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
I found more of my tribe when I internally allowed my personal and professional lives to mix. And I’m keeping it this way.
Building a tribe is a balancing act
Whether you’re a tribe-builder, connector, or simply discovering the art of networking, here are things I’ve learnt that I’d leave with you:
- Embrace the seasons: Recognise and embrace the natural oscillation between extroverted and introverted phases. You can leverage both to enrich your connections and personal growth.
- Adapt and connect: Adopting different personas enhances your ability to connect and even the quality of the connections.
- Intertwining boundaries: When done comfortably and right, this can foster more authentic connections and deepen your support network.
- Prioritise introspection: Dedicate time to retreat and reflect. Sharpen your thoughts and perspectives to think and do better — for yourself and your network.
Being a connector is more than just meeting people. It’s finding the delicate balance between building and reflecting, and forming relationships that are a reflection or extension of you.
It’s forming genuine, deep relationships, and always using the most effective ways to do so. It’s oscillating between periods of high social energy and more introspective phases, and realising they work in synergy. It’s also cultivating clarity, continually redefining the way you think and do things — both for yourself and your circle.
Building a tribe is the intentional pursuit of finding your people, one that requires constant recalibration, adaptation, and deliberation.
I’m a connector at heart. I’m always on the hunt for my people.
And I’m always building my tribe.
Thank you for reading!
This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and finally got around to placing words to. It’s also a result of a few domino instances; thank you to those who picked out that “Chloe’s in her quiet season again”, for giving me a safe space to candidly share about what’s on my mind which then made me realise I can have a whole word vomit about it. Thank you to those who peppered our conversations with your golden nuggets, who exchanged language with me to find the right words; a lot of this piece was inspired by you.
If this piece resonated with you in any way, please say hi on Twitter or LinkedIn! I have so many more thoughts that I haven’t quite found the words for yet, but I would love to learn more about what you’re thinking and perhaps we can figure that out together.
In the meantime… let’s keep building our tribe!
