2021 has been quite a year, and a series of monthly reflections showed me how much I learned and grew each month in any aspect I knew — at work, socially, internally, habitually, you name it. I penned down quite a list over the last month+ but finally watered down to a couple that I’d like to share thoughts and expand on.
1. People need people.
No man is a lone island, and no one can truly do things alone. As the old saying goes:
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far — go together.
- African Proverb
Over the last Covid-ridden year I got really comfortable to be in my shell, to the point where socialising more than once a week felt a little too much for me, for comfort was in my home and with myself. This reminder came in after hanging out with pals over the festive season and I remembered how rejuvenated I get from being around people, my loved ones. I remembered how ideas get generated and bounced about in a room full of people and what inspiring things could come out of it. I remembered how our lives are stories that we share, and that we learn from these stories to live better lives. I remembered how much people need people, even — especially — when we think we don’t.
Being comfortable in my shell is OK, but I gotta remember to reach out when I know I need to.
2. Winning while on the way to win.
Stolen words from someone really important to me! This was such a stark reminder, as for the most of last year I was focused on hitting the big goals that I didn’t pace myself and found myself running out of fuel towards the end of the year.
Winning on the way to win is about having and celebrating small milestones to reach a bigger goal; there is no time or need to be lukewarm in things or constantly counting down to the Next Big Thing. A life well-lived is one that’s spent doing things we feel good about and we should (almost) always feel good about the things we’re doing.
3. Habits maketh the man.
Similar to winning on the way to win, habits are the tactical small steps we take to reaching the bigger goals. They are small cycles that we go through everyday that eventually contributes to a bigger picture. They should come from creation and not just reaction — that’s what separates intentionality and the quality of life we set ourselves up to lead.
Habits can and also should change over time, tweaking them to make it more stimulating and relevant to the phases we’re in.
Reading Charles Duhigg’s “The Power of Habit” significantly moved my perspective on this, and through a rabbit hole of Medium posts I found that this really resonated too.
4. Not all goals are absolute; goal posts can be shifted.
While “good” goals are definitely subjective, that does not mean that they have to be rigid. It’s not about moving the goal post nearer to you or making it easier to achieve (so you can “cheat” and tell yourself you’ve achieved it), but rather looking at the goalpost from a different angle because that’s exactly what happened. You ended up on a different path than you were on when the goal was first created, and hence it only makes sense for you to work towards reaching it while on this different path.
So many things and circumstances can change within a year. You could be a very different person from 6 months ago when you made a goal. I found myself tweaking my early-2021 goals to suit my mid-2021 self so that I could accomplish equally fulfilling goals by end-2021. Doing this required me to realise that goal posts can indeed be shifted.
5. Feelings are meant to make you more humane, not less of one.
This was a very personal learning. It’s a constant struggle for me to balance between feeling my feelings and blocking them out so that I can work on things rationally. I was always OK with hearing others out but kind of disliked others hearing me out, for I felt that it would be a waste of their time.
Over 2021’s series of topsy turvy events, I learned to hold space for both feelings and rational thoughts— that in order to rationally work things through, I had to first acknowledge the feelings and really feel them.
Someone also shared with me that being open signals others around you that it is OK to be, and they become open and vulnerable to you too, which then forms stronger relationships and holds space for more important conversations. Vulnerability was a frenemy but I’ve slowly started to see its power, and I’m now trying to continually embrace it as a loving friend.
6. Good chats are so important and precious.
My circle knows how much I value good, thought-provoking conversations. Over the last year I’ve been blessed to have so many important conversations (some with good drinks) that continually inspire and scare me. Being a good listener is tied to this as well — being able to comprehend and communicate what you comprehended to ensure that you’re on the same page.
I slowly realised I started to impose the expectation on having “good chats” on almost any connection I have; which I reckon is not right to do so, and I’m learning that it’s OK to have conversations of senseless fun — those could be good for the soul too!
Some things I jotted down:
- Not everyone can hold them
- Not everyone drives them (so you might have to)
- Not everyone can take the aggression that comes with it
- It is ok to not have them with everyone
7. Pacing is key.
You can’t always run at 100%. That was a hard one to learn for I spent most of the year thinking I’m pacing myself well, doing good continual check-ins with myself to ensure that I was on the right path.
But I didn’t realise that while I was on the right path, I was losing momentum. I started to get burnt out towards the end of the year and things started to slip by me (in different aspects and ways). I pushed myself really hard and didn’t know how to properly take a breather in my new environment, which then led my brain to drain and mentally switch off.
The key for this year is to pace myself well and check in with myself more mentally rather than looking at the tangible boxes I’m checking off.
8. Ask, seek, ask and seek again
This talks about the cycle of learning something. 2021 reminded me that it is impossible to know everything — which was what I expected myself to do in some ways.
I undoubted got crazy frustrated & heavy imposter syndrome when I saw just how many things I don’t know enough about. Why did I not know this? How can I get more information or even… ahead of what I need to know? Am I coming across as stupid?
After a ton of questions swimming around in my mind, I figured — the solution? Learn more. Seeing people around me go the distance to learn new things and dive deep into them pushed me to do the same. There’s no reason to waste time sitting around waiting for information to drop into your lap.
Ask for it, seek it, and do it all over again.
9. Declutter.
We don’t need all the things we have — tangibly or not. This came about when I shifted things in my room about 3 times across the year to find a prime productive working spot, and even more so when I was travelling around the US where I moved 8 times in 7 weeks. My only thought was “Why do I have so many things? I don’t even need all these things!” For the later part of 7 weeks, packing & unpacking my luggage was such a pain that I only allowed myself to unpack one side of the luggage. Sure enough that got me through the weeks just fine.
Physically decluttering gives me a peace of mind, which then makes me think about my mental headspace. It’s a work in progress I’ve been mentally decluttering too; ridding of noise to make space for more mindful thoughts, putting myself in environments and around people that encourage mindfulness.
In 2022 I aim to get 100% into my zone and have a head space that I can wholly call mine — not influenced or directed by situations, people or environments around me. This helps me feel more in control of my life too.
This is a bit of a fuzzy thought for now though and definitely something I’d love to dive deeper in another time (when my mind isn’t so cluttered!)
These learnings are probably recycled words from posts you’ve seen somewhere before, but re-learning it for myself was a different feeling altogether. It was a very internally-shifting year, and these are lessons that I definitely bring forward to what’s to come.
Ahoy, 2022! Let’s see what you’ve got.
